Mr. Un-Clean
I'm not the kind of guy that feels the need to wash his hands after taking a leak. Don't get me wrong, if a little splash-back gets involved, I'll definitely rinse my hands off but that is the exception rather than the rule. Over the years however, I've learned that if anyone sees you not wash your hands after doing your business, you're judged as “unclean.” This makes absolutely no sense at all. Here's my reasoning…
As far as I'm concerned, Little Elvis is the cleanest part of my anatomy when I get out of the shower. I'm sure I'm not the only guy that can say that, right fellas? Anywho, as long as you slip into a clean pair of boxers/tidy-whiteys/briefs/thongs/whatever afterwards, you've effectively created a “clean room” for your little guy to chill in all day long. Therefore, if you're enough of a big-boy to not piss yourself, you shouldn't have to worry about contaminating your mitts when using the can. In fact, God knows where you're hands have been all day long you filthy bitch. Just think about all the time you spent picking your nose, scratching your ass, shaking hands with sleazy salesmen, whatever… If I were your dick, I would insist you wash those grimy things before touching me. But no one ever thinks to wash their hands before using the can, do they? Food for thought people, chew it.
And finally for all you ladies out there… How does it make you feel that you're man must wash his hands after taking a leak but at the same time has no qualm shoving his dick in your mouth at the drop of your knees? A bit of double standard if you ask me, but what the hell do I know? I’m just a filthy son-of-a-bitch that cares for nothing but himself.
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January 10th, 2006 at 11:19 pm
Wow, dave, you made it gross, crass, and vulgar all in one post!!! Rock on!!! But seriously, I think that it is more of a “respect” thing for other people; they don't like the idea of touching your hand after you touched your wobbly bits. Think about how many other penises you touched by association; wouldn't you rather they put a little soap and water between you and their situation?
January 11th, 2006 at 2:12 pm
Duane…excellent point. As far as “little Elvis” goes… it doesn't matter that he's all washed up in the morning, come noon or after hes getting kinda smelly. Take a test, reach down there at the end of the day and smell your hand buddy, it aint gonna come back smellin' like a rose.
January 11th, 2006 at 2:18 pm
I don't know what you got going on down there buddy, but the only thing permiating from my intimates is the smell of SafeGuard. I prefer the white bar, but it comes in beige, too.
January 15th, 2006 at 8:05 pm
I don't understand how that's a double standard. What do the two have to do with one another? I don't get it.
Oh, and please stop abusing apostrophes. What did they ever do to you?
January 15th, 2006 at 10:36 pm
Maybe “double standard” wasn't the best phrase to use so I guess it confused you. Let me hold your hand and walk you through what I mean…
Man holds his wee-wee to go pee-pee
After he's done, man think's his phalangees are dirt-ee
Therefore, man must think his wee-wee is dirt-ee
Later on, man is horn-ee
So Girl drops to her knees
Man puts dirt-ee wee-wee in girl's oral cavit-ee
Does that not mean that man has more respect for his phalangees than girl's cavit-ee?
And as for the apostroph-ees, they raped my mother and killed my dad when I was young so I'll abuse the little bitches till I'm blue in face. But honestly, if you take issue with my grammar, take a look at the last paragraph of my Virgin Blog before you decide to comment about it again.
May 29th, 2007 at 5:08 pm
[...] of whether people want to hear it or not… even if it makes people think less of me (see this post for [...]