Comments on: Traffic Reports

By: Close Cover Before Striking

Close Cover Before Striking — Sun, 19 Aug 2007 04:35:09 +0000

You make a good point! One of my personal pet peeves was the fuckin’ traffic dick that keeps talking about “RPS” (Residual Pinhead Slowdown) or rubberneckers.

Hey…traffic reporting assholes!! The law in GA says that you MUST slow down AND move over when there is an accident and police/EMS/Fire is on the scene. That also goes for the other lane even on divided highways.

Traffic guys are failed DJs who couldn’t even nail the hyperkinetic blow-job fodder from the “assistant” or “intern” pool.

By: dpb

dpb — Fri, 27 Jul 2007 10:58:44 +0000

That’s really good advice BugBoy. I remember hearing on the radio how 400N was nothing more than a parking lot, I took my chances and hopped on anyways. It was completely desolate… I made record time home. So who’s worse at doing their job, traffic guys or weathermen?

By: Bugboy

Bugboy — Fri, 27 Jul 2007 01:42:17 +0000

I found long ago that the traffic reports were unreliable. It got to the point where I could predict when they were bullshitting.

#1 rule: don’t get off the highway unless they are announcing all lanes are blocked for whatever emergency. Those reports you can trust.

#2 rule: don’t abandon the hwy for rain/weather, b/c that’s what everyone else is doing and all of the surface streets are packed. Stay on the hwy, you’ll be better off.

When I was at GSU there was a report of a fallen tree blocking courtland @ GSU. I instinctively knew it was BS, probably hours old, and went there anyway. It looked like the tree had been gone for hours and they were still announcing it as blocking the road.

You just can’t trust these motherfuckers. They all sound like a bunch of washed up alcoholics anyway.

I hate these assholes.

By: dpb

dpb — Thu, 26 Jul 2007 16:39:04 +0000

That’s really not a bad idea…

By: BriDawg

BriDawg — Thu, 26 Jul 2007 16:35:58 +0000

If bar and restaurant owners were smart, they’d start advertising “rush hour specials” as opposed to “happy hour specials.” I can hear it now…

“Steve: MAN!…traffic sure does suck today. I sure wish I could be sucking down a few cold ones instead of being stuck in this quagmire (Giggity! Giggity!)!

Announce: And now you CAN, Steve! Feel like tying one on instead of sitting in crappy Atlanta traffic? Just jump off at Northridge and join us for $1.50 drafts at whatever the hell restaurant/bar it is that I’m hawking right now. By the time you’re thoroughly buzzed, traffic will be nothing but an unpleasant memory. And with the roads all cleared up, you’ll be able to drunkenly weave your way home without the constant nagging threat of running over the poor bastard in front of you!”

Steve: “Sweet!”

Now THAT would be refreshing!

By: dpb

dpb — Thu, 26 Jul 2007 16:09:51 +0000

Exactly, my point is, traffic reports don’t do anyone any good.

By: duane

duane — Thu, 26 Jul 2007 15:59:40 +0000

I agree about the alternate routes thing; but so many people are directionally challenged, I think that would cause things to go from bad to worse.

I am friends with the guy who does the traffic for B98.5 (JD), and he says that they look at traffic camera feeds and stuff like that to give the latest info. I think they are kind of limited though; because if you aren’t expecting traffic in Atlanta, you are seriously delusional anyway.

By: mitch

mitch — Thu, 26 Jul 2007 13:36:32 +0000

“Traffic Guy: “What? Am I on? Oh… yeah, we’re in Atlanta dipshit. Traffic sucks. What do you expect? Pack a lunch. I need another drink. Where’s my cheeseburger?””

I would like to hear that one too Dave! Especially on the afternoons I am sitting on a highway between work and home because a bunch of idiots have to stop to look at the wreck that is on the opposite side of the road.