Vampirism

TiVo suggested I watch The Lost Boys. It was a good suggestion as I was a big fan of the movie back in the day. As I watched, I got to thinking in almost vampire movies, the vamps (especially the chick vamps) are hot. I mean like REALLY hot. As in, being the living dead don’t look too bad. Kind of like a Valtrex commercial. Gee, people with herpes are all fit and having fun. I want herpes!

Of course the easy explanation to this is Hollywood likes to cast hot actors and actresses. Fair call. I look at ugly people all day long, no reason to pay $8 to see more ugly people. Regardless of this, I think there is a way more simple answer.

As we all know, to become a vampire you must be bitten my a vampire. Well, that is unless your in Santa Clara in which you only have to drink Kiefer Sutherland’s blood. WTF? Was this a contract negotiation on his part? I imagine the conversation going something like:

KS: “Yeah, I’ll play the badass vampire, but I ain’t biting on some other dude’s neck. Figure something out.”

Producer: “Wow, I didn’t realize you were such a homophobe Mr. Sutherland.”

KS: “No no no… it’s nothing like that. To prove it, I’ll wear dangly earrings and have a big hair mullet!”

Producer: “I think we have a deal.”

Ok, so with the exception of Lost Boys, a vampire bite equals new vampire. Let’s think about this from the vampire’s perspective. Who would you want to bite? Ugly people? Fat people? Hardly. You’re going to bite the hot chicks. How great would it be to be able to only surround yourself with hot ass chicks? That would rule. It’s like Vampire Darwinism at its best. Vampiral Selection. Survival of the hottest. The ugliest of the ugly die. I could totally get behind vampiric logic. Vampirism, if you will.

As an aside, can vampires catch diseases by drinking blood? Vampire: “Ha ha, now you’re a vampire!” Victim: “Ha ha, you have AIDS!”

Happy Sunday bitches. Go to church and ask for forgiveness for reading this.

This entry was posted on Sunday, February 24th, 2008 at 12:11 pm and is filed under Random. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.