Grown Up?

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Came across this 25 Ways to Tell You’re Grown Up and figured I would run them down, one by one. I shall substitute Grown Up for Old in my scoring.

1. Your housplants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them.
Houseplants? WTF? +1 for not old.

2. Having Sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
At this point I’m taking sex from wherever I can get it. +1 still young

3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
Seriously? +1 young!

4. 6:00a is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
It’s more like 7a but damnit… +1 old

5. You heaer your favorite song in an elevator.
Damn Debbie Gibson selling out to the elevator greatest hits collection. +1 old

6. You watch the weather channel.
If it’s not in HD, I ain’t watching. +1 young!

7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of “hook up” and “break up”.
My friends marry. I hook up (rarely, true). even split.

8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
I have 24 days of vacation by my calculation that means it’s only +0.913793 old.

9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up.”
Still rocking the jeans. +1 young

10. You’re the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won’t turn down the stereo.
I’m typically too drunk to hear the stereo. +1 young

11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
Unfortunately +1 old.

12. You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
Who care? The Krystal outside the Pony is open 24 hours! +1 young

13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
If you keep hitting shit with your car your insurance does NOT go down. +1 young

14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonadl’s leftovers
It’s Iams but damnit… +1 old

15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
After a drunken night the couch is so enticing. It’s also some quality time with Dog. +1 young

16. You take naps.
Hate naps. +1 young

17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
Dinner and a movie is normally a 4th or 5th date kind of thing. I never make it that far. +1 young

18. Eating a basket of chiken wings at 3a would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
Wings, anytime of the day, are the most awesome food I can consume. Alas, a 3a feeding of wings would destroy my diet. +1 old

19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
Aleve and condoms? even split?

20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good shit.”
Not a wine drinker but my drinking buddies tell me the Two Buck Chuck is some good shit so I’m taking their word for it. +1 young

21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
No time is a bad time for eggs and bacon. +1 young

22. “I just can’t drink the way I used to” replaces “I’m never going to drink that much again.”
Are you kidding me? My tolerance is so high right now I should get +10 young … oh well, +1 not old!

23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
Only if assume I’m working 90% of the time I’m at the office … +1 old

24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
I drink at home because I can. Money never enters the picture. even split?

25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking “Oh shit, what the hell happened?”
+1 old

Final count: Young 14 to Old 7.913793

Woohoo! I’m not old!

This entry was posted on Friday, May 23rd, 2008 at 8:40 am and is filed under Meme, My Life. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.