1. Your housplants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them.
Houseplants? WTF? +1 for not old.

2. Having Sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
At this point I’m taking sex from wherever I can get it. +1 still young

3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
Seriously? +1 young!

4. 6:00a is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
It’s more like 7a but damnit… +1 old

5. You heaer your favorite song in an elevator.
Damn Debbie Gibson selling out to the elevator greatest hits collection. +1 old

6. You watch the weather channel.
If it’s not in HD, I ain’t watching. +1 young!

7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of “hook up” and “break up”.
My friends marry. I hook up (rarely, true). even split.

8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
I have 24 days of vacation by my calculation that means it’s only +0.913793 old.

9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up.”
Still rocking the jeans. +1 young

10. You’re the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won’t turn down the stereo.
I’m typically too drunk to hear the stereo. +1 young

11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
Unfortunately +1 old.

12. You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
Who care? The Krystal outside the Pony is open 24 hours! +1 young

13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
If you keep hitting shit with your car your insurance does NOT go down. +1 young

14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonadl’s leftovers
It’s Iams but damnit… +1 old

15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
After a drunken night the couch is so enticing. It’s also some quality time with Dog. +1 young

16. You take naps.
Hate naps. +1 young

17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
Dinner and a movie is normally a 4th or 5th date kind of thing. I never make it that far. +1 young

18. Eating a basket of chiken wings at 3a would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
Wings, anytime of the day, are the most awesome food I can consume. Alas, a 3a feeding of wings would destroy my diet. +1 old

19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
Aleve and condoms? even split?

20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good shit.”
Not a wine drinker but my drinking buddies tell me the Two Buck Chuck is some good shit so I’m taking their word for it. +1 young

21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
No time is a bad time for eggs and bacon. +1 young

22. “I just can’t drink the way I used to” replaces “I’m never going to drink that much again.”
Are you kidding me? My tolerance is so high right now I should get +10 young … oh well, +1 not old!

23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
Only if assume I’m working 90% of the time I’m at the office … +1 old

24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
I drink at home because I can. Money never enters the picture. even split?

25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking “Oh shit, what the hell happened?”
+1 old

Final count: Young 14 to Old 7.913793

Woohoo! I’m not old!

Megatron is the leader of the Decepticons. He will stop at nothing to establish his empire and destroy the Autobots, starting with Optimus Prime.

Like Megatron, you are evil, motivated by destruction and chaos. You are inspiring, confident, and a natural leader. The Decepticons have chosen well. In addition, you enjoy being one step ahead of your friends as far as trends and technology.

Yeah, I’m an ENTP. They have a few descriptions as to what the hell that means. This one seemed dead on:

ENTPs are usually verbally as well as cerebrally quick, and generally love to argue–both for its own sake, and to show off their often-impressive skills… argument as a sport.

Pretty accurate, huh?

I also felt this description was a pretty fair description, too:

…attention seeking, experience junky, insensitive, adaptable, not easily offended, messy, carefree, dangerous, fearless, careless…

Fair enough.

I also took the multiple intelligence test and I’m overwhelmingly logical. Suck it duane.

Being a fan of the off-colorness of the definitions of the Urban Dictionary, I thought this could be interesting (and a time waster, that is the key afterall). Anyways, below is the one definition for the name David. I must say, they hit the nail on the head.

A formidable foe to normal people. intelligent, strong forceful. a weird hybrid of a bully and a nerd. As well as the first dictator of the America and king of the new peaceful world. Also known as Timebomb and various other variations including at least TB.

I am David. All other David’s fall in march as we conquer the world. For a new Earth of peace void of general stupidity.[link]

I don’t get the Timebomb thing but whatevs… it’s better than what others have called me.

1. What’s one thing you wish you could change about yourself?

   This is a tough question to answer.
   
   Short answer: Absolutely nothing.
   
   Long answer: There are several things I would like see different about me however my problem in answering this question is that I believe the journey is just as important (if not more so) than actually getting there. That’s part of a famous quote or line from something, isn’t it? Regardless, I don’t believe people appreciate something if they haven’t earned it. Sure, it would be great to wake up tomorrow and have dropped about 20 pounds but if I didn’t have to starve myself and bust my ass at the gym to get there, then I’ll just balloon back up before long. It’s like the white-trash lottery winner example. These people haven’t been able to save a nickel their entire life and then over night they end up with millions in the bank… in a few years, they’ll be worse off than they were before winning the lottery. All that being said, there are several things about me I’m actively working to change but there’s not a damn thing about me I would like to wake up and have any different.

2. If you could live forever on earth as it is now, would you? Why or why not?

   I guess it all depends on how literally the question is meant. I’m addicted to innovation so living in a world with technology as it is today with no advancement would seem like Hell on Earth after a few hundred years. I’m incredibly afraid of death though so if my options are to live forever here and now or death in 50-60 years… I’ll choose eternity, even if it means I’m stuck with the same ShitFuck DVR forever.

3. What song would describe how you’re feeling right now?

   “One Time for Me” by The Reverend Horton Heat

4. If you could do any job, what would you like to do?

   I’ve thought about this a lot and of course stand-up comedy would be a blast, but I think more than anything I would love to get into directing. I think it would be awesome to make movies or even music videos for that matter. Of course, that’s only if I didn’t make it as an astronaut or porn-star.

5. Is there someone you’d love to see right this very moment?

   I’m not a huge fan of people but at this moment it sure would be great to see Ed McMahon standing at my front door with that Publisher’s Clearing House check*. Or Kiera Knightly… Or someone who I know to be dead so I would know there is life after death.

There ya go. I think I’m supposed to include the following disclaimer: If you wish to participate in this Interview Meme, please send me an email or leave a comment below saying, “Interview Me.”

* Yes, I recognize this negates points made in my answer to question #1. Deal.