• Nerds
  • Intelligence: Typically scores in the higher realms of the intelligence quotient. This is a defining characteristic.
  • Social Skills: Yeah right… tends to prefer math & physics over sex or relationships. Rarely has friends outside of the nerd stereotype
  • Money/Job: Either a professor or works in a highly specialized field. Because of this money can range from the lower middle class on up into the millions of dollars a year.
  • Get's laid?: May die a virgin or if in the richer category, could have a trophy wife that only lets him nail her because of his cash (ie, Bill Gates).
  • For fun: Any research news journal or on a wild and crazy night, the IMAX presentation of the theories behind the composition of DNA
• Geeks
  • Intelligence: Varies from smarter than average up to highly intelligent. Some even reach nerd-smart
  • Social Skills: Fully developed. May have several geek friends but is commonly found in a circle of “normal” people. May even be the token “geek” within said circle. Tends to get along with most people and could even be the life-of-the-party-guy
  • Money/Job: Typically has a well-paying job within the IT or Project Management department of small to large companies
  • Get's laid?: Tends to date a variety of stereotypes. Personality, charisma, and character tend to be the attractive characteristics more-so than money. Is often found with average looking to very attractive spouses.
  • For fun: Is a fan of most movie/tv genres including a specific interest in sci-fi/fantasy. This interest typically does not lend itself to dressing in costume or role playing games (although not out of the question in the younger years). Is also typically a fan of watching or playing sports.
• Dorks
  • Intelligence: Varies from average intelligence to very smart although there are some exceptions in both directions.
  • Social Skills: Only within circle of dork friends. Rarely associates outside of circle and may be considered the quiet-type or the weird-guy by others.
  • Money/Job: Typically found working at coffee shops or retail outlets that specialize in comic books, video games, role playing games, etc…
  • Get's laid?: Maybe, but only by another dork
  • For fun: Has the original Star Trek in VHS and DVD. Lives in a make-believe world of witches, vampires, and aliens. Can typically be found at sci-fi/fantasy conventions either running a booth or as a guest, but always dressed in costume.

I hope this clears it for everyone…

As far as I'm concerned, Little Elvis is the cleanest part of my anatomy when I get out of the shower. I'm sure I'm not the only guy that can say that, right fellas? Anywho, as long as you slip into a clean pair of boxers/tidy-whiteys/briefs/thongs/whatever afterwards, you've effectively created a “clean room” for your little guy to chill in all day long. Therefore, if you're enough of a big-boy to not piss yourself, you shouldn't have to worry about contaminating your mitts when using the can. In fact, God knows where you're hands have been all day long you filthy bitch. Just think about all the time you spent picking your nose, scratching your ass, shaking hands with sleazy salesmen, whatever… If I were your dick, I would insist you wash those grimy things before touching me. But no one ever thinks to wash their hands before using the can, do they? Food for thought people, chew it.

And finally for all you ladies out there… How does it make you feel that you're man must wash his hands after taking a leak but at the same time has no qualm shoving his dick in your mouth at the drop of your knees? A bit of double standard if you ask me, but what the hell do I know? I’m just a filthy son-of-a-bitch that cares for nothing but himself.

By a show of hands, how many of you clip your finger nails at the office? Anyone? Anyone? Thank you! Finger-nail clipping is not something you would expect in the work environment, however, day after day I hear from the cubes around me “clip… clip… clip… clip…” I'm not even talking about the disgusting factor here, because God knows that I have my share of disgusting habits. And, I'm not even worried I'll cut my toe on a stray clipping. It's the office, I have shoes on (most of the time) so I'm safe in that regards. What really irks me is just the simple sound of the “clip… clip… clip…” Agh! Kill me now! Wound up a little too tight you may think? Well, yeah… the office is stressful enough with the likes of worthless people and the “shhhht… shhhht… shhhht…” lady (she's still here, you'll be happy to know that I haven't framed her yet) that the clipping sound is enough to drive me overboard. I guess what I really don't understand is how these guys (yes, I'm talking about atleast 3 grown men with very good salaries that do this in my immediate vicinity) came into this office-nail-clipping habit. While taking inventory of the work necessities one day, did they come across this hygiene revelation?

I can see it now… Standing in his bedroom getting ready to leave one morning, Steve takes stock of his daily office necessities. Badge? Got it. Necktie? Got it. Laptop? Got it. And then he notices a shimmer of light coming from the bathroom. Easily distracted by shiny objects, Steve goes into the bathroom to investigate. As the herald angles sing (as they do during miraculous moments in tv and movies) he sees the holy grail of office necessities. There, sitting on the bathroom sink, with the morning sunlight glistening off of it's shiny plating lies the finger-nail clipper. What a revelation this is! He wonders how he never thought of it before. At last, he can finally manage his finger-nail length from the comfort of his own cube. Steve is very proud of himself as he snatches (just wanted a reason to use the word snatch in a blog without being considered a pervert) up the clippers and heads out the door. After fighting Atlanta traffic and, of course, stopping at Starbucks for a mocha-china latte (I don't know, I hate coffee and coffee drinkers… and yes, that means you, but that's another blog…), Steve finally makes it to the sanctity of his own cube. There, as his laptop boots up he pulls his new shiny metal office supply from the pocket of his over-priced suit pants. Clipping commences and he's never been happier… Complete with the first hand, he begins on the next. At that moment, Bob walks by to make some wise-crack about Steve's college basket-ball team losing the night before. Steve will never hear that wise-crack because Bob is stopped right in his tracks upon entering Steve's cube.

Bob: “Nail clipping? In the office? That's genius Steve! Why didn't I ever think of that?

Steve: “Maybe you would have, Bob, if you had gone to a real college!” Ooooh, Steve gets a good one in on Bob! Way to Steve, this is definitely your day!

So the next morning, Bob proudly walks in with his mocha-china-grande (can't be out-done by SteveO, now can he?) and sits down in his cube. Bob admires his nail-clippers as he gently pulls them from his suit pant pocket. And across the office, all than can be heard is “clip… clip… clip…”

And, of course, the sound of me pulling my hair out and mowing everyone down with my stapler. You're all going to die for subjecting me to a sound more annoying than “shhhhhht… shhhht… shhhhht…”

Before I joined the blogging community, I would send out random emails to my friends about things that I observed… I guess they got tired of my crap in their inbox, so one of my friends suggested the whole blogging thing. Bam, here it is, and here you are reading it. Well, I thought I would post one of my most recent emails that I sent out to everyone to try and get this thing going… it will no doubtedly set up future blogs, so here goes…

so my cube is right across from the break room, which means everyone walks by my desk when they get here in the morning, when they are going on lunch or break, and before they leave … needless to say, the break room is the social hang out spot … but I digress … not really, I don't even know what digress means. well, we have this one temp chick here who has bulging thighs. I'm not saying she's fat, I'm just saying that her thighs are too big for her hips. well, due to our strict dress code, she has to wear hose/stocking/whatever the hell they are called … so every morning, break, lunch, afternoon (you get it) I can hear her stockings rubbing against on another as she walks by … It's so annoying … shhhhhhhht shhhhhhhhht shhhhhhhht shhhhhhht shhhhhhhhhht open the fridge, put in lunch, close fridge, shhhhhhhhhht, shhhhhhhhht, shhhhhhhhhhht, shhhhhhhhhhhht…. since she's only a temp, I've been thinking of framing her for something, just so they would bring someone else in here … is that wrong?